Happy Birthday to me.
Went out tonight after work, Baron got arrested, feel pretty shitty about it, so meh.
I'm in one of those contemplative moods... Where am I in life compared to where I want to be? Whats holding me back?
Hopefully I find answers.
(By the way, whoever reads this (cough), I just wanted to extend an ear. I get bored dealing with just my own problems, my own thoughts, my own dreams... (very boring stuff). I basically am just trying to say I'm still here.)
May. 17th, 2006 @ 12:34 am
I started writing today. Well, more like attempting to build a story. I'm not going to plan too much, I feel as though making it up and filling in holes as I go is better for my creativity. I hope to have a work that is somewhat discernible as a novel (or at least a cohesive story) by the time I start school again in the fall. Then I can use those writing classes to help me realize that I don't know what I'm doing and all I accomplished was putting a ton of effort into the toilet and being proud of it.
Screw it, pride in something would be nice.
Current Music: Satchmo & Ella Fitzgerald - A Kiss To Build A Dream On
Do people really still use these journal thingies?
Ah well, time to slink back into the shadows for another year or three.
Aug. 31st, 2005 @ 12:55 pm
Apparently we've lost it all. ALL. Reports of 15 feet of water on Williams after the damn levee broke by Treasure Chest.
So many things left behind...
We have like 8 people here riding this out with us, now it looks as though Birmingham may be our home for the next 2 months or so. Some of them didn't even have flood insurance/left pets in kennels. Lots of crying people here.
Possibly letting us back in to pick up things in a week or two, though we aren't allowed to stay (and with no power or food or anything, who'd want to?).
I may have to see about getting a job here in B'ham, money is tight all around, I'm not sure if they'll hire refugees. So many questions...
Everything I had in that house... FUCK!
Hurricane coming, work til midnight tonight, possible evacuation to B'ham, Juan's party in BR tonight...
Looks as though I may be stuck on the road for 10-15 hours on the road to Birmingham, where the house that awaits me has its cable and internet both turned off ><.
I suppose I'd better bring some books.
|» Hi To You.|
Erm. I have a job now. Blockbuster gave me a job after 2 months of trying. Thanks Andy & B. |
I've started reading again since I've moved back to NO. Not sure how wise that was. I've always been convinced that I use my love of reading as an escape from reality, which is a notion reinforced by my preference for the Fantasy genre..thinking about make-believe world = YAY!, thinking about real world = :(
I am so behind on so many things. I've ignored things I didn't want to deal with since my 2nd semester in college (Love is an asshole). Bills must be payed, starting with the money I owed LSU which I just payed online. I anxiously await my first paycheck so I can start on the rest.
I'm gaining weight. Not much yet, but it is clear to me that the immediate availability of free food after struggling for awhile in college is an unforeseen problem that must also be dealt with. As always, motivation is difficult to muster. I had someone tell me that I'm "looking pudgy" Friday night, the memory of the struggle that was maintaining the smile that I wore should be motivation enough.
What have I let happen to me?
Weight must be lost, self-confidence returned, for above all the multitude of feelings filling my head 24/7 is that biggie, Loneliness.
Am I ready to try again? No, that is a poor choice of words. The trying part always seems to stop once that first kiss is exchanged. Am I ready to start trying? Despite thinking over it for countless hours, I don't know. That is answer enough for me.
As I look around now, my room is a mess. I have boxes in my closet from moving here that haven't been opened since. "Jeff," I tell myself. "Jeff."
I have work to do.
|» (No Subject)|
I'm still alive!|
Oh yeah, moving sucks...
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Meh... Internet issues, moving issues, drinking issues, money issues... once things die down a bit I plan on taking this back up, until then the occasional post is all I can offer.|
Distraction of the Day: Now that I'm in New Orleans, I've begun hanging out with some old friends of mine. I'm not sure how this happened, but suddenly I'm a member of "HackStar Productions" and we record rap songs to dis "Quad Laser" or somesuch. I know what you're thinking, and no, I haven't been doing shrooms...
I spent tonight getting drunk, playing CS at Baron's, and writing down some rhymes to introduce myself, I've chosen the handle "Phat Beats Chocolate" (you REALLY don't want to know). I have been looking to do a little writing, but this is hardly the format for me to excel at.
Ah well, I'm off to bed, with visions of sugar plum fairies screaming obscenities at me while waving gats and throwing up gang signs...
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Choose a band or artist and answer ONLY in song TITLES by that band: Cannibal Corpse|
Are you male or female: Blunt Force Castration
Describe yourself: Drowning in Viscera
How do some people feel about you: Addicted to Vaginal Skin
How do you feel about yourself: Nothing Left To Mutilate
Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Necropedophile
Describe your current boyfriend/girlfriend: Raped By The Beast
Describe where you want to be: Buried in the Backyard
Describe what you want to be: Dismembered and Molested
Describe how you live: They Deserve To Die
Describe how you love: Orgasm Through Torture
A few words of wisdom: I Cum Blood
:) I saw this in Mel's journal and decided that Dave Matthews just couldn't cut it. Death Metal band Cannibal Corpse just kinda leaped out at me for some reason. Judge for yourself...