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Hi To You. - The Rant Pages

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Previous Entry Hi To You. Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 05:04 pm Next Entry
Erm. I have a job now. Blockbuster gave me a job after 2 months of trying. Thanks Andy & B.

I've started reading again since I've moved back to NO. Not sure how wise that was. I've always been convinced that I use my love of reading as an escape from reality, which is a notion reinforced by my preference for the Fantasy genre..thinking about make-believe world = YAY!, thinking about real world = :(

I am so behind on so many things. I've ignored things I didn't want to deal with since my 2nd semester in college (Love is an asshole). Bills must be payed, starting with the money I owed LSU which I just payed online. I anxiously await my first paycheck so I can start on the rest.

I'm gaining weight. Not much yet, but it is clear to me that the immediate availability of free food after struggling for awhile in college is an unforeseen problem that must also be dealt with. As always, motivation is difficult to muster. I had someone tell me that I'm "looking pudgy" Friday night, the memory of the struggle that was maintaining the smile that I wore should be motivation enough.

What have I let happen to me?

Weight must be lost, self-confidence returned, for above all the multitude of feelings filling my head 24/7 is that biggie, Loneliness.

Am I ready to try again? No, that is a poor choice of words. The trying part always seems to stop once that first kiss is exchanged. Am I ready to start trying? Despite thinking over it for countless hours, I don't know. That is answer enough for me.

As I look around now, my room is a mess. I have boxes in my closet from moving here that haven't been opened since. "Jeff," I tell myself. "Jeff."

I have work to do.
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